Winning Your Wife Back
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of the people you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. Winning Your Wife Back
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Winning Your Wife Back
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you need the time to calm down before you apologize to your partner, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Winning Your Wife Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to give you access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Winning Your Wife Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — since it will reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Winning Your Wife Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the secret is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to get the identical effect as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Winning Your Wife Back