Winning Your Wife Back When All Seems Lost
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m certain you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among the people you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your thoughts and experiences in the end. Winning Your Wife Back When All Seems Lost
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Winning Your Wife Back When All Seems Lost
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time to calm down before you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An angry or sarcastic apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Winning Your Wife Back When All Seems Lost
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you access to all of my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you access to all my account and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Winning Your Wife Back When All Seems Lost
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a spouse frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give forgiveness to them.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — since it is only going to undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the changes on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Winning Your Wife Back When All Seems Lost
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not likely to get exactly the same effect as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Winning Your Wife Back When All Seems Lost