Winning Your Wife Back During A Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your thoughts at the conclusion. Winning Your Wife Back During A Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Winning Your Wife Back During A Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you need the time to calm down before you apologize to your spouse, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — which is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Winning Your Wife Back During A Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to give you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Winning Your Wife Back During A Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the changes on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Winning Your Wife Back During A Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is nice, but it’s not going to get exactly the identical impact as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Winning Your Wife Back During A Separation