Winning Your Wife Back After An Affair
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am sure you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share experiences and your thoughts at the end. Winning Your Wife Back After An Affair
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Winning Your Wife Back After An Affair
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to work.
So you will need time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Winning Your Wife Back After An Affair
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all of my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to give you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” Winning Your Wife Back After An Affair
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — since it will reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Winning Your Wife Back After An Affair
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to be backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the secret is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is nice, but it’s not likely to get the same impact as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Winning Your Wife Back After An Affair