Win Your Husband Back After His Affair
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences in the end. Win Your Husband Back After His Affair
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Win Your Husband Back After His Affair
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to work.
So you will need the time before you confer with your partner, take this time to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Win Your Husband Back After His Affair
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you access to all my account and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Win Your Husband Back After His Affair
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — since it will only undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Win Your Husband Back After His Affair
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be regained, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is nice, but it is not likely to have exactly the identical impact as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Win Your Husband Back After His Affair