Win Husband Back After Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am sure you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share experiences and your own thoughts in the end. Win Husband Back After Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Win Husband Back After Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you can do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you need the time to calm down until you apologize to your partner, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Win Husband Back After Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Win Husband Back After Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — as it will only reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the changes in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Win Husband Back After Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you’re, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to get the identical impact as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. Win Husband Back After Separation