Win Back A Narcissist Ex Wife
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am certain you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. Win Back A Narcissist Ex Wife
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Win Back A Narcissist Ex Wife
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need time to calm down before you apologize to your partner, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Win Back A Narcissist Ex Wife
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I will clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Win Back A Narcissist Ex Wife
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being mad or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — as it is only going to reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Win Back A Narcissist Ex Wife
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not likely to have exactly the identical impact as constant small actions to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Win Back A Narcissist Ex Wife