Will I Get Back With My Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I am certain you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your own thoughts and experiences at the end. Will I Get Back With My Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Will I Get Back With My Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need the time to calm down until you apologize to your partner, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Will I Get Back With My Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you open access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” Will I Get Back With My Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the adjustments on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Will I Get Back With My Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get the same impact as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Will I Get Back With My Ex Husband