Should I Take My Ex Husband Back
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m sure you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the end. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time to calm down until you apologize to your spouse, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Should I Take My Ex Husband Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to get the identical effect as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back