Should I Take My Ex Husband Back After He Cheated
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among the people you love the most. It is never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts and experiences at the end. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back After He Cheated
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back After He Cheated
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time until you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back After He Cheated
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all of my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m happy to give you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” Should I Take My Ex Husband Back After He Cheated
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — as it will only reverse the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back After He Cheated
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you have messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get the same effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Should I Take My Ex Husband Back After He Cheated