Should I Get Back With My Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. Should I Get Back With My Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Should I Get Back With My Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you need time before you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Should I Get Back With My Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Should I Get Back With My Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — since it will only undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the changes on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Should I Get Back With My Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to get exactly the identical effect as constant small steps to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Should I Get Back With My Ex Husband