Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m certain you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the end. Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to work.
So you will need the time to calm down until you confer with your partner, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you access to all my accounts and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access to every one my account and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — since it is only going to undo the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not going to get the same impact as constant small actions to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Husband