Please Help Me Get My Husband Back
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m certain you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people you love the most. It is never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your own thoughts and experiences at the end. Please Help Me Get My Husband Back
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Please Help Me Get My Husband Back
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you need the time until you apologize to your partner, take this time to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Please Help Me Get My Husband Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you access to all my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Please Help Me Get My Husband Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — as it is only going to reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Please Help Me Get My Husband Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you are, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers after you have messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to get the identical impact as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Please Help Me Get My Husband Back