My Husband’s Back Summary
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am sure you all agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It is never simple.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. My Husband’s Back Summary
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. My Husband’s Back Summary
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you need time before you apologize to your spouse, take this time to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. My Husband’s Back Summary
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” My Husband’s Back Summary
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — since it will reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the adjustments on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. My Husband’s Back Summary
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the biggest secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you are doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be regained, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to have the identical impact as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. My Husband’s Back Summary