My Husband’s Back Poem
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your thoughts at the end. My Husband’s Back Poem
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. My Husband’s Back Poem
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you need the time until you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. My Husband’s Back Poem
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I am pleased to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you open access to all of my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” My Husband’s Back Poem
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse frequently makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — since it will only reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the adjustments on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. My Husband’s Back Poem
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — do not attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is nice, but it’s not going to have the identical effect as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. My Husband’s Back Poem