My Husband Wants A Divorce Can I Get Him Back
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I am sure you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among the people you love the most. It is never simple.
However, the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your thoughts and experiences in the end. My Husband Wants A Divorce Can I Get Him Back
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. My Husband Wants A Divorce Can I Get Him Back
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time to calm down before you confer with your partner, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. My Husband Wants A Divorce Can I Get Him Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you access to all of my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” My Husband Wants A Divorce Can I Get Him Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it will only undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. My Husband Wants A Divorce Can I Get Him Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is nice, but it is not going to get exactly the identical effect as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. My Husband Wants A Divorce Can I Get Him Back