I Want My Husband Back After Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am certain you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It is never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your thoughts and experiences at the end. I Want My Husband Back After Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. I Want My Husband Back After Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you can do to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. I Want My Husband Back After Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you open access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” I Want My Husband Back After Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — since it will only undo the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the changes on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. I Want My Husband Back After Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to get exactly the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. I Want My Husband Back After Separation