I Want My Husband Back After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am certain you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it’s our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share your thoughts and experiences at the end. I Want My Husband Back After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. I Want My Husband Back After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need time to calm down before you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. I Want My Husband Back After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you access to all my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you access to every one of my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” I Want My Husband Back After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being mad or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — as it will only undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. I Want My Husband Back After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to be backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you are, what you are doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to get exactly the same impact as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. I Want My Husband Back After Divorce