I Want My Husband Back After A Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am sure you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your own thoughts at the conclusion. I Want My Husband Back After A Divorce
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. I Want My Husband Back After A Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time to calm down until you apologize to your partner, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — that is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. I Want My Husband Back After A Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you access to all my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you open access to all my accounts and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” I Want My Husband Back After A Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a partner often makes is that when they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. I Want My Husband Back After A Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers once you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not likely to have the same impact as constant small actions to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. I Want My Husband Back After A Divorce