Husband Back After Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. Husband Back After Separation
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Husband Back After Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you will need time before you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Husband Back After Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you open access to every one of my accounts and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Husband Back After Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — as it will only reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Husband Back After Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not enough on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not going to get exactly the same impact as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Husband Back After Separation