How To Win Your Wife Back After Trust Is Lost
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. How To Win Your Wife Back After Trust Is Lost
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Win Your Wife Back After Trust Is Lost
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to work.
So you will need time to calm down before you apologize to your spouse, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your partner — that is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Win Your Wife Back After Trust Is Lost
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Win Your Wife Back After Trust Is Lost
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — as it will only undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the adjustments in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Win Your Wife Back After Trust Is Lost
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get the same impact as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Win Your Wife Back After Trust Is Lost