How To Win Your Wife Back After Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences in the end. How To Win Your Wife Back After Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Win Your Wife Back After Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you need time before you apologize to your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Win Your Wife Back After Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Win Your Wife Back After Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — since it will undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Win Your Wife Back After Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not likely to have the same impact as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Win Your Wife Back After Separation