How To Win Your Husband Back During Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the end. How To Win Your Husband Back During Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Win Your Husband Back During Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you need time to calm down until you apologize to your spouse, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Win Your Husband Back During Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How To Win Your Husband Back During Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — since it will reverse the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Win Your Husband Back During Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to have the same effect as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Win Your Husband Back During Separation