How To Win Your Husband Back During Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m certain you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your own thoughts at the end. How To Win Your Husband Back During Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Win Your Husband Back During Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing will use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to work.
So you need time until you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Win Your Husband Back During Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” How To Win Your Husband Back During Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it is only going to undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Win Your Husband Back During Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you’ve messed up is nice, but it’s not going to have exactly the identical impact as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Win Your Husband Back During Divorce