How To Win Your Husband Back During An Affair
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am certain you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of the people you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your own thoughts and experiences at the end. How To Win Your Husband Back During An Affair
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Win Your Husband Back During An Affair
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you need time before you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Win Your Husband Back During An Affair
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to give you access to every one my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How To Win Your Husband Back During An Affair
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — since it will undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Win Your Husband Back During An Affair
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not likely to have exactly the same impact as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Win Your Husband Back During An Affair