How To Win My Wife Back After Her Affair
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your own thoughts and experiences in the end. How To Win My Wife Back After Her Affair
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Win My Wife Back After Her Affair
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you will need time to calm down before you apologize to your partner, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Win My Wife Back After Her Affair
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am pleased to give you access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you access to all of my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How To Win My Wife Back After Her Affair
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — since it will only undo the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Win My Wife Back After Her Affair
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you are doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to get the same effect as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Win My Wife Back After Her Affair