How To Win My Wife Back After An Affair
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am sure you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. How To Win My Wife Back After An Affair
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Win My Wife Back After An Affair
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need the time to calm down before you confer with your spouse, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Win My Wife Back After An Affair
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How To Win My Wife Back After An Affair
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse frequently makes is that when they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — as it will undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the adjustments in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Win My Wife Back After An Affair
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you are doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be regained, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is nice, but it’s not likely to get the same effect as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Win My Wife Back After An Affair