How To Win Back Your Ex Wife After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am sure you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. How To Win Back Your Ex Wife After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Win Back Your Ex Wife After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you need time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Win Back Your Ex Wife After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you open access to all of my accounts and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Win Back Your Ex Wife After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — as it is only going to reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Win Back Your Ex Wife After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their trust to be regained, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to get exactly the identical effect as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Win Back Your Ex Wife After Divorce