When facing a marriage crisis, this is certainly one of the questions spouses ask: How To Save A Marriage Gottman 

How can I save my marriage if my partner does not want to help find a solution…?

How do I succeed I am attempting to save my marriage by myself…?

It’s a typical story: one partner leaves, the other remains. One remains “in love”, the other is not unclear. Whatever it is that’s caused a couple to be apart, the 1 person who remains bears the possibility, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving their marriage’ ALONE.

Considering that there are two different people contributing to the overall health and well being of a marriage, shouldn’t both of you be present to actually decide to try and save it? Or, worse, if it’s his, or her, their fault so shouldn’t he, she, they’re the ones to make amends? You are only the victim here, after all!

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How To Save Your Relationship On Your Own How To Save A Marriage Gottman

The very first thing you need to know is, if you find yourself alone in this desire and if you would like to rescue your marriage, waiting for the other partner to make the initial move would be the start of the ending.

Again, it’s likely to fail if you are seeking a person to blame or someone else to put the physical and emotional work into saving the marriage. How To Save A Marriage Gottman

The belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude. It propagates the belief that there is NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and watch what comes your way.

NOT correct!

There is still something that you are able to DO. Even in solitude and your loneliness, you CAN save your marriage.

How…?

Let’s start first by examining what it means to be all on your own.

As human beings, we hate being lonely. It is part of our genetic make up to become social creatures and develop connections with others, whether friendships or romantic interest. The way we connect with others of the way we interact with individuals and the nature is a basic aspect of personal and emotional development. How To Save A Marriage Gottman

The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship, and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us happy human beings. Ideally, the older person should have developed a strong sense of self-esteem, confidence and self-awareness as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These constitute part of our private shelter amidst difficulties and challenges. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.

However, many people enter into adult life without being conscious of this gorgeous, human truth. We could have experienced abandonment in our youth or been disappointed by our romantic relationships.

whatever it is, it has caused to change from proper adult development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.

Thus, lots of us enter relationships and marriages with dream, plan and the hope that we would never be alone. We {invest so much in our spouses and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and rely upon them to make us secure and happy. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own toxin.

Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our own life happiness on the person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for destiny and our own life happiness.

Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations placed upon them, and if they do so we panic. When our spouse leaves, our fears kick in. If something goes wrong with our marriages, it’s very easy for us to put the blame of another person for having made us miserable.How To Save A Marriage Gottman

So as to save your marriage when you are the one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift the important thing is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner – stop the blaming, halt the inaction.

Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can NOT restrain your partner’s feelings, attitude and responses, but you can control your own. You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.

This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.

A human being is not difficult to love. A happy person brings joy. In beginning with yourself, you can move from being an clingy, hard person to one who can provide an environment of security, wisdom, trust and communication.

If each of you have the ability to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your lifetime happiness, you both have much baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of authentic love.

Instead of beat up yourself in Despair, try these tips to start your own transformation and lead your marriage to success:How To Save A Marriage Gottman

  • Breathe…
  • Smile…
  • Let go…
  • Believe that reconnection is possible…
  • See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
  • Examine your part in contributing to the issues in your marriage
  • Forgive yourself…
  • Change…
  • Look after your health, beauty, and well-being…

For all you know, your spouse (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the kind of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every chance to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, feelings and plans. You may even get to the real issues surrounding your marital issues and actually begin taking measures to work them through. How To Save A Marriage Gottman

In being open and older, you can provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once again. With sincerity and all the confidence you’ve gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it to keep showing him or her that you do and loving your spouse. How To Save A Marriage Gottman

Through small acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don’t need to be grand gestures, they simply have to be sincere. And coming out of the adult, new you.

You might be making mistakes that will endanger your marriage recovery!

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