In the middle of a workshop recently a important question was asked concerning what generates the perfect relationship. We had been asked to develop a relationship we had with some thing in the previous week which in one’s head was the perfect relationship, and also to think of exactly what it was about that relationship that made it perfect. How To Save A Marriage Gottman
A number of men in the group thought of their automobiles, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects like their television recliner chair, or favourite pair of shoes. To each of these guys, these items felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with such individuals or objects was rewarding and simple to maintain.
A number of girls believed kitchen appliances, favourite clothes or shoes, older friends, neighbours, and cherished items in their own lives, and the bond that they had generated either between people or with things they used in their lives. Words like dependable reliable, and reassuring were used.
When my turn arrived to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my own dog. My dog has simple demands, requiring shelter, only meals, and love. Regardless of how my day has been or what type of mood I’m in, if I get home in the night and I’m greeted in such an authentic, transparent, and ardent fashion. My dog is always eager to see me, also it’s quite humbling once you think about it. How To Save A Marriage Gottman
I don’t know of some others that greet me enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from regardless of how my day was or the house. His needs are few, yet he gives so much. I call this unconditional love.How To Save A Marriage Gottman
Therefore What Is Unconditional Love?How To Save A Marriage Gottman
Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without requirements. It is the type of love that you have for the partner once the romantic, love that is hollywood-style is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you create the transition to “real” love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect.
You know by now your spouse has flaws. You realize your spouse is not perfect. You know your partner makes mistakes sometimes, but that is okay, although you know your spouse makes mistakes sometimes. You still love them. You love your partner because of the imperfections rather than despite of them.
This really is unconditional love.How To Save A Marriage Gottman
The same thing applies for you however in looking at your spouse’s faults. You admit that you are the exact same. You’ve got faults. You are not perfect. You know that you make mistakes occasionally, but that’s okay. That’s called self-acceptance, and you also hope unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections which people have.
What exactly can you get from this then? Should we all go out and get puppies to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here. We all mess our lives with feelings and thoughts, trials and tribulations, and there is the desire to let’s difficulties become bigger than they really are and dominate our own lives.
If you are seriously interested in saving your marriage the key is in finding methods to place the psychological mess to a side and let your unconditional love come through. It’s fine to possess flaws and make mistakes. It is okay to have thoughts and feelings. But over all this is the love you’ve got for your partner, the love you have for one another. And love can conquer them all.
It is possible to not like your partner or not like what they have been doing and still love them. It’s possible to not like wherever your life or your marriage are at but still love your spouse. The love you have for the spouse and your marriage might stay constant.
It is the right time to learn how to reconnect with your own life purpose and learn to love unconditionally.How To Save A Marriage Gottman
Final ThoughtsHow To Save A Marriage Gottman
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