Certainly one of the most frequent questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How To Save A Marriage During A Separation 

Can I save my marriage if my partner does not want to help find an answer…?

Just how do I succeed I’m trying to save my marriage by myself…?

It is a standard enough story: one partner leaves, the other remains. One remains “in love”, the other is cloudy. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the potential, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving her or his marriage’ ALONE.

Considering that there are just two different people contributing to the overall health and well being of a marriage, shouldn’t both of you be present to try and save it? Or, worse, when it’s his, or her, their fault consequently shouldn’t he, she, they’re the ones to make amends? You are only the victim here, after all!

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Photo by Trym Nilsen on Unsplash

 

How You Can Save Your Marriage All on Your Own How To Save A Marriage During A Separation

The very first thing you must know is, if you find yourself alone in this desire and if you want to rescue your marriage, waiting for the other spouse to make the initial move would be the start of the end.

If you’re looking for a person to blame or someone else to put the physical and psychological work in to saving the marriage, again, it’s going to fail. How To Save A Marriage During A Separation

The belief that the responsibility lies with another individual is a self-defeating attitude. It propagates the impression that there is NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and see what’s your way.

NOT true!

There’s still something you are able to DO. Even in solitude and your loneliness, you CAN save your marriage.

How…?

Let’s start first by examining what it means to be on your own.

As human beings, we hate being alone. It’s a part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and create connections with other people, whether through friendships or romantic interest. How we connect with the character of the way we interact with people and others is a fundamental part of development that is personal and psychological. How To Save A Marriage During A Separation

The paradox is that as we grow older in trust, the love, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the older human person should have developed a sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as she or he reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst difficulties and challenges. This is named SELF-ACTUALIZATION.

However, many people enter into adult life without being conscious of this gorgeous, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our youth or been disappointed by our relationships.

whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper adult development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.

Thus, many people enter relationships and marriages with plan, the hope and dream that we’d never be alone. We {invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our whole beings on them and rely upon them to make us secure and happy. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own toxin.

Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our own life happiness on the person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our life happiness and destiny.

Problems develop when a spouse indicates some kind of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations put upon them, and when they do so we fear. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. If something goes wrong with our marriages, it’s very easy for us to put the blame of the person for having made us unhappy.How To Save A Marriage During A Separation

So as to save your marriage when you are the one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the important thing is to change your mindset and focus. Stop focusing on your partner – stop the blaming, halt the inaction.

Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can NOT restrain your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own. You can always go from fearing abandonment to taking responsibility for yourself and your happiness.

This is where the individual truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, internalize and adapt this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not only in your marriage but in YOU.

An entire human being is not difficult to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In beginning with yourself, you can move from being an clingy, hard person to one who can offer an environment of security, wisdom, trust and open communication.

If each of you are able to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness, you both have much baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of authentic love.

Rather than beat up yourself in desperation, try these tips to start your own personal transformation and lead your marriage to success:How To Save A Marriage During A Separation

  • Breathe…
  • Smile…
  • Let go…
  • Believe that reconnection is possible…
  • See a counselor for YOURSELF not only for your marriage
  • Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
  • Forgive yourself…
  • Change…
  • Look after your health, beauty, and well-being…

For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is your kind that would allow your partner initiate communication and to return. When that occurs, you have every opportunity to sit down with them, discuss your motivations, feelings and plans. You can even get to the issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually start taking measures to work them through. How To Save A Marriage During A Separation

In being open and older, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you’ve gathered, take these measures. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or problems, find it in you to continue loving your spouse and showing her or him that you do. How To Save A Marriage During A Separation

Through small acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don’t have to be gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the adult, new you.

You might be making!

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