How To Get Your Husband Back During Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am certain you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. How To Get Your Husband Back During Divorce
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get Your Husband Back During Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need time before you confer with your partner, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Your Husband Back During Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you open access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” How To Get Your Husband Back During Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a partner often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it will only undo the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Your Husband Back During Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is fine, but it’s not going to have exactly the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get Your Husband Back During Divorce