How To Get Your Husband Back During A Midlife Crisis
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am certain you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It is never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. How To Get Your Husband Back During A Midlife Crisis
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get Your Husband Back During A Midlife Crisis
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you need time to calm down before you apologize to your partner, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Your Husband Back During A Midlife Crisis
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you open access to all of my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I will clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How To Get Your Husband Back During A Midlife Crisis
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being mad or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Your Husband Back During A Midlife Crisis
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is nice, but it is not going to get exactly the same effect as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get Your Husband Back During A Midlife Crisis