How To Get Your Husband Back After He Files For Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. How To Get Your Husband Back After He Files For Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get Your Husband Back After He Files For Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you need time before you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Your Husband Back After He Files For Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all of my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Get Your Husband Back After He Files For Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner often makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Your Husband Back After He Files For Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not going to have the same impact as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get Your Husband Back After He Files For Divorce