How To Get Your Husband Back After An Emotional Affair
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am certain you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. How To Get Your Husband Back After An Emotional Affair
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get Your Husband Back After An Emotional Affair
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need time to calm down before you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Your Husband Back After An Emotional Affair
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you access to all of my account and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Get Your Husband Back After An Emotional Affair
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a spouse frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Your Husband Back After An Emotional Affair
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to have exactly the identical effect as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get Your Husband Back After An Emotional Affair