How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After You Divorce Him
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m certain you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It is never easy.
However, the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share experiences and your thoughts in the conclusion. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After You Divorce Him
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After You Divorce Him
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you will need time to calm down until you apologize to your spouse, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — that is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After You Divorce Him
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you open access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After You Divorce Him
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or angry and give forgiveness to them.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — as it is only going to undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After You Divorce Him
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is nice, but it’s not likely to get the same impact as constant small actions to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After You Divorce Him