How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m certain you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your own thoughts at the end. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to work.
So you need time before you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you’re BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all of my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you open access to every one of my account and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a partner often makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — since it is only going to undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers once you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not likely to get exactly the same effect as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get Your Ex Husband Back After Divorce