How To Get My Narcissistic Husband Back
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your own thoughts in the conclusion. How To Get My Narcissistic Husband Back
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get My Narcissistic Husband Back
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you need the time before you apologize to your partner, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Narcissistic Husband Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you access to every one my accounts and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Get My Narcissistic Husband Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it will only reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Narcissistic Husband Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get exactly the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get My Narcissistic Husband Back