How To Get My Husband’s Trust Back
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am certain you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the conclusion. How To Get My Husband’s Trust Back
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get My Husband’s Trust Back
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need the time until you apologize to your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Husband’s Trust Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to give you access to all of my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How To Get My Husband’s Trust Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — as it is only going to reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Husband’s Trust Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you are, what you are doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is nice, but it is not going to have exactly the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get My Husband’s Trust Back