How To Get My Husband Back With Ptsd
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m certain you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the end. How To Get My Husband Back With Ptsd
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get My Husband Back With Ptsd
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time until you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Husband Back With Ptsd
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all of my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you open access to every one my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” How To Get My Husband Back With Ptsd
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or angry and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — as it will undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Husband Back With Ptsd
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to have the identical effect as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get My Husband Back With Ptsd