How To Get My Husband Back From His Midlife Crisis
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am sure you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your own thoughts at the end. How To Get My Husband Back From His Midlife Crisis
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get My Husband Back From His Midlife Crisis
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you need time until you confer with your spouse, take this time to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your partner — that is only going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Husband Back From His Midlife Crisis
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How To Get My Husband Back From His Midlife Crisis
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a partner often makes is that when they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — since it will reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Husband Back From His Midlife Crisis
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get the identical effect as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get My Husband Back From His Midlife Crisis