How To Get My Husband Back During Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m certain you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. How To Get My Husband Back During Separation
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get My Husband Back During Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you need the time to calm down before you apologize to your spouse, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Husband Back During Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all of my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Get My Husband Back During Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a partner often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or angry and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — since it is only going to undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Husband Back During Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers once you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not going to have the same effect as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get My Husband Back During Separation