How To Get My Husband Back During Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. How To Get My Husband Back During Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get My Husband Back During Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need time before you apologize to your partner, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… Do not try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Husband Back During Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you access to every one of my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How To Get My Husband Back During Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse frequently makes is that when they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — since it will undo the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the adjustments in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Husband Back During Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not likely to get exactly the same effect as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get My Husband Back During Divorce