How To Get My Husband Back After We Divorced
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m certain you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It is never simple.
However, the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. How To Get My Husband Back After We Divorced
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get My Husband Back After We Divorced
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to work.
So you need the time until you apologize to your partner, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Husband Back After We Divorced
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” How To Get My Husband Back After We Divorced
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — as it will only reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the adjustments in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Husband Back After We Divorced
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the biggest secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it’s not going to have exactly the same impact as constant small actions to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get My Husband Back After We Divorced