How To Get My Husband Back After I Left Him
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. How To Get My Husband Back After I Left Him
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get My Husband Back After I Left Him
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you need the time until you confer with your partner, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Husband Back After I Left Him
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you access to every one of my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How To Get My Husband Back After I Left Him
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it will reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Husband Back After I Left Him
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to have exactly the identical impact as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get My Husband Back After I Left Him