How To Get My Ex Husband Back In A Godly Way
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your thoughts in the end. How To Get My Ex Husband Back In A Godly Way
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get My Ex Husband Back In A Godly Way
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time to calm down before you apologize to your partner, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Ex Husband Back In A Godly Way
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all of my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you open access to every one my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How To Get My Ex Husband Back In A Godly Way
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a partner often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — as it is only going to undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the adjustments in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Ex Husband Back In A Godly Way
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to have exactly the identical effect as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get My Ex Husband Back In A Godly Way