How To Get My Ex Husband Back After He Has Moved On
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am certain you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share experiences and your own thoughts in the conclusion. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After He Has Moved On
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After He Has Moved On
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you need time until you apologize to your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After He Has Moved On
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Get My Ex Husband Back After He Has Moved On
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse often makes is that when they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — as it is only going to reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After He Has Moved On
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is fine, but it is not likely to have exactly the identical effect as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After He Has Moved On