How To Get My Ex Husband Back After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m certain you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the conclusion. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need time until you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I am pleased to give you access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Get My Ex Husband Back After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — as it will only undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the changes in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the biggest secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not likely to get the same effect as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After Divorce