How To Get My Ex Husband Back After 10 Years
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m certain you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your own thoughts in the end. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After 10 Years
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After 10 Years
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you will need the time to calm down until you apologize to your partner, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — that is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After 10 Years
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all of my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you open access to every one of my account and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How To Get My Ex Husband Back After 10 Years
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse often makes is that when they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — since it will only reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After 10 Years
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to get exactly the identical impact as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. How To Get My Ex Husband Back After 10 Years