How To Get Husband Back During Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share experiences and your own thoughts at the end. How To Get Husband Back During Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get Husband Back During Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time until you apologize to your partner, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your partner — which is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Husband Back During Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you open access to every one of my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How To Get Husband Back During Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it is only going to undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Husband Back During Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to have the same effect as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get Husband Back During Separation